Grand Chow Mein House & Tavern

Came here for a cheap lunch special, and that's what we got. Spring roll, fried rice and another choice (which was a little burnt). Food was edible (just), what you would expect based on the appearance of the place and being so cheap. Wouldn't return.

This restaurant has been in our town for decades, and I've never seen a customer. How is that possible? No one eats there. Why is it still in business?!This vacant Chinese restaurant is nestled alongside the Grand River in charming Caledonia. How bad could it be? "You know what", I decided, "probably a hidden gem." Never mind that for the last decade and a half I've called it the money laundromat. I was ready to try.I defy even the cast of SNL to come up with a more comedic series of hilarious and disgusting overtures intended to drive away customers. From the dirty tables to the $6 glass of chilled cooking wine, this is a restaurant that lowers the bar universally. It is not a restaurant. This is a DARE tavern! This is instead of a slap bet! This place is a drunken bus trip destination! I called this one right- it's hidden gem. You won't find a restaurant THIS bad in Southern Ontario since the Cheapside closed. Is a contrite family member begging for your forgiveness? Put them to the Grand Chow Mein challenge. Your spouse a dog? Send them to the Grand Chow Mein. Life-long friend marrying your ex-wife and asked you to be the Best Man? I have a venue for your Batchelor Party! Everyone needs a dive like this in their pocket. You can't find a place like this on short notice- get this place in your rolodex.We considered the possibility that there could be something other than money laundering going on here... we scoured the menu for which item we could order to be brought in the back to hire a hitman, but we didn't find it. Could be an off-menu item. If you find out what it is, let me know!

The food here is wet garbage. The rice is over season with soy sauce. They soak their chicken balls in sauce, so by the time you get to eat them, they are just chicken bits covered in paste. The food is poorly seasoned, ineptly prepared and completely inedible. Their ultimate and unforgivable failure lies in what they call general tso. The general tso chicken was beyond offensive. A staple dish in any Chinese restaurant. Their offering had barely any sauce on what taste like chicken fritters. There was so much dough on them they might as well have been doughnuts. No broccoli.This place is dead to me. pathetic and doomed to fail. don't waste your money here.

None of the locals eat here. It's been around since I was a kid, and I decided to eat there for the first time (my parents hadn't ever eaten here either). Food is horrible, restaurant is dark and scummy, not clean at all, just don't do it. Nasty locals hang out on the bench outside of the restaurant spitting all over the ground. Just don't do it, don't go here, avoid at all costs.

The worst food I ever had in my life. It was like eating reheated garbage. I honestly thought it was a joke at first. The food is so over seasoned with soy sauce and sesame oil, it scared me a little to think what it may be attempting to mask. A few more bites and I had to throw it out. I really really hate throwing out food. It is an absolute mystery to me how this place stays open.